Under pressure

high school can be so fucking tough, hence why I haven’t updated my blog in god knows how long. But honestly, I don’t know how I expected myself to keep this shit up with everything that goes on. I came into year 10 thinking it would be one of the best years of high school, but as I’ve slowly figured out, it wasn’t. its September and I’m in my last week of my second last term of year 10 and honestly I am on the rockiest road I’ve ever been on. For most teenage girls, popularity and social status is a big priority, but for the smarter ones that shit means nothing for them. Unfortunately for me, I’m one of those girls who’s biggest priority is their social status and their growing list of parties and boys. I absolutely 100% care about my school work. Even tho Im the laziest bitch in the world and doesn’t finish off her assignments, i know I care about my school results 100% because I 100% know I do NOT want to end up on the doll, still living in Brisbane. I want what every 10 year old wants, to be famous and wealthy and partying at the craziest of parties, with the most exotic celebrities. Music is my passion and I dream of being in a grunge girl kinda band to start my successful career off, to then go solo and do all sorts of stuff like star in movies, tour world wide. THE LOT! but I also know that if I want that I have to work fucking hard, and worrying about keeping my snap streaks up to date is not going to get me nothing. well, a social status. I don’t study music, but honestly I don’t have to, I take private vocal lessons, guitar lessons and piano lessons and I’m fairly good if I say so myself. I’ve got it in the bag, I just need to take that step forward to get that boost I need to start this crazy career off. But first I NEED to get my priorities straight.

my priorities atm:

get myself the Man I have my eyes on
stay relevant
don’t lose your fucking snap streak
making sure I look good 80% of the time so i can update my Instagram and gain more followers
parties, don’t forget about being a priority for the guest list
be envied

yeah believe it or not as fucked up as this list is, its the honest truth. and this list right here is my biggest issue. Listen up girls, if your like me and this is your priority list, sort your shit out cause believe me its not getting no one no where……. except maybe some dick, and an STD if your not careful. NOT THAT I HAVE ONE cause I don’t. thats another thing, the more relevant you become, the more people will envy you and the more people envy you the more rumours start to be spread about you. I will do whatever it takes to get myself into the higher ranks, and when that means sending revealing or risky photos as your streaks or on your story, then I will do that. although I’ve only ever sent one nude in my life to one guy that I trust completely cause like he’s an amazing friend of mine, apart from that I’ve never had sex, never sucked a dick, never given a hand job and never received. I’ve been fingered and thats about it. But still, people talk and I give them that opportunity unintentionally. I was told the other day that somebody had said to this person that I had fucked so many guys. PROOF THANKYOU? If you put your body out there and wear a lot of makeup and make out with a new guy at every party you go to then you are gonna get this kind of stuff going around about you. But at the same time, not everybody cares because its normal now for kids our age to be having frequent sex. theres so much to be concerned about and to keep up with in our social world that we hardly notice the things that are truly important. and by we I mean the girls who care about social media and status. socially our world is brutal and when you want to become and stay relevant then this is what your going to get. and it doesn’t make anyone happy, I’m suffering from anxiety and depression because I’m so concerned I’m not good enough. But the thing is, ask yourself this. Will any of this benefit me when I graduate? will I stay friends with any of these people when I graduate? Will they get me a job? will they pay my bills? Do they have my best interests at heart? the only people you should be trying to impress or stay relevant to is the people who love you the most for who your are, your true friends whether that be 1 person or 5 people, quantity doesn’t matter quality does, and thats still what I’m trying to work on myself. I’m not saying having a large social circle is a bad thing, because I have a large social circle, its just how you manage yourself outside of that circle that is the biggest dilemma.

lets get our priorities straight:

study hard for the best results
be yourself
its ok to be selfish because only you can get you places
2’s company 3’s a crowd
focus on the good times you do have when your on top of your school work
appreciate

now that I’ve gotten my priorities straight. lets get into the pressures you will face. Fomo. thats right Fomo. Everyones got it. F – fear O – of M – missing O – out. That is dead set the biggest struggle you will face. Its your biggest demon its the number one cause to the insane amount of pressure you will face. High school is the years of experimentation. First pressure right there. Experimenting. And this is an area that fomo plays a very big role in. Sex is a primary example of a situation where fomo and experimentation comes into play. Having sex for the first time is different for everybody, but for certain everybody gets scared. I know I am. Although sexually I’m inexperienced, I know a thing or two. I know that there is a massive pressure. For me, the fact that people think I am experienced puts the pressure onto me to become more experienced because thats what a guy is expecting. Theres also that pressure of keeping up, when many of your friends are sexually more experienced and further ahead of you then you do not want to be left behind. Hardly anybody I know wants to be inexperienced in sex before they leave high school. Theres this pressure, this constant voice in your head that is telling you that you have to catch up to gain more experience before you leave high school, because you can imagine that not many people want to leave high school and have their first sexual encounter with a guy who has had a lot of sex and would be surprised by the fact that you at 18-20 have not had sex. you don’t want fomo to get the better of you in this situation because that pressure can lead to a lot of big mistakes. I think the most attractive thing about anybody, is their confidence and a person running their own race. Going at your own pace, is possibly the most courageous most valuable trait somebody could have, because it defines them as a person, sets their expectations and their value. Their are other situations where Fomo comes into play, but the other big one is just parties and socials. We have to remember that with technology these days, people may only be showing people how they want their lives to be perceived not how themselves really see it. You may think your life sucks, your life is boring your not allowed out or not allowed as much freedom as other kids, but in reality your only seeing what they are showing you. They may have the strictest parents in the world, they might be studying really hard to get to places they wanna be, but they just don’t show that side of their lives, your only seeing the good times. You know how I know thats for real? because I do the exact same thing. I have friends that I KNOW study super hard and have strict parents, but all I ever see on their snaps is them getting dressed up to go out, or them always in the city. But I know thats not always the case. Even though I know this, ts still extremely hard and fomo still gets the better of me. So I understand exactly how you feel when you feel as if it doesn’t mater what anybody else says, because I feel the same way. There is a lot of intense pressure in high school I know that for sure, I’m facing a lot of pressure right now, getting better with my depression and anxiety, to focus on school more and not waste as much time on social media which is gonna be the BIGGEST struggle. My biggest pressure for me, is to be myself. I still don’t know who I am fully and I don’t fully understand myself therefore putting this insane amount of pressure on me to find myself and my image. Girls, boys whoever is reading, I hope I have entertained you and that maybe you will take something from this :)))

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BriZzy BrAt xxx

Hooking up with a Scrub

Naughty Naughty. So, theres a boy. NO I HAVNT LOST MY VIRGINITY YET…… but I will say that there is this boy who I’m into. And lets just say he isn’t the right kinda guy I should be losing anything to. But I’m dumb and for some messed up reason I am into him. He WAS fine af! Holy macaroniiiiiiiii I was at a 16th birthday party and when I’m at a party I party hard. More like I drink hard. Go hard or go home right? I always end up being fucked off my face an hour into a party which isn’t a GREAT thing, but if its straight liquor then I am one happy go lucky drunk with plenty of liquid courage to last me throughout the night. Goon or cheap wine on the other hand, makes me VERY VERY emotional and clingy. I have had my fare share of embarrassing drunk states at parties. I was drunk and I can’t remember much but I remember there was this guy, shoulder length curly blonde DIY bleached hair, Adidas jacket, blue polo shirt and wrecked Nike Tns. Indie Eshay to say the least. Just my type. I’ve always been into guys that weren’t all that super hot and sporty, I’m into the guys who are chill and arty and different and like to party and smoke weed now and then. Anyway, I asked for some of his goon and I could hardly stand. I had never drunk out of a goon bag before so I had no fucking clue what I was doing, and fell straight to the ground in hysterics. I ended up getting back up and figuring the goon bag out, and the time between then and when I started making out with this guy was a blur. I can’t even remember how we started hooking up, it just happened. ALL NIGHT our mouths could not part literally, I ended up introducing him to everyone at that party as my boyfriend. I was loyal af, 3 other guys tried to hook up with me but I was like ‘NO I gotta stay loyal to my man’. I should’ve made out with them because turns out my man was hooking up with 13 other people and thats including guys. Look I did make out with a girl too that night but she was a shit kisser hahahah I have been told I’m quite a good kisser actually YAY. But still I stuck by him, I even let him finger me. Drunk and in public. Like what the *angel* was I thinking, oh yeah crap I haven’t shaved! I had literally found my soul mate that night. I thought id get over him next morning, I mean I went into that party thinking ok Hook up and move on. thats what I always do and it always works. But Jesus Christ, he wouldn’t leave my mind. I felt the same way about him as I did that night drunk. And this all kicked off from then. When I said earlier he WAS fine af, what I mean is that he isn’t as fine no more. He bloody shaved his head. Yeah grot I wanted to gag. I still gag every time he sends me a snap. But I’m still into him. I get excited when I see a notification from him, always hoping ill see him in the city on a Friday arvo, I don’t get it. Jesus maybe I am really into him. Tonight I posted a cheeky arse photo in a red pair of panties and a red long-sleeve crop top and captioned it on my snap story ‘your babys in red’ and he swiped up. Kinda ironic when he commented (deep Aussie surfer dudes voice) ‘I was going to comment the fire emoji, BUT I’m too high to find it but thats what I was going to do.’ Cute, this catching feelings stuff is BS. I ended up posting a similar photo on my spam account on instagram and I captioned ‘tastes like pespi cola’ as intended from the lyrics of my Idol, Lana Del Rey’s Lyrics My pussy tastes like Pepsi cola. He dm’d me and responded – I bet you do – WHAT. I had no clue what to say. so what does a girl do when in need of some advice? Turn to her girls. Instantly I texted pretty princess, bunny boo and Coolkat because I trust their word for anything when it comes to stuff like this. In the end I ended up replying with – wanna find out – his response was – F*** oath I do – Holy *angel* tf I thought it had all ended but apparently not, I’m like beaming tfffff. I told him it was his whenever. BUT only issue is is that when he replied come over tomorrow, my heart sank because a)I’m suspended b) I’m grounded for life c) I’m banned from city. GREAT just my luck as per usual. I didn’t end up replying, intact I didn’t even open it so it said id seen it. I left it and now I’m pondering in my thoughts of what the f to reply or what to even do. I need help what do I reply to this guy or what do I do?

A text, A girl who got bashed, and An expulsion

you have got to be so careful. Every little thing you do has got to be calculated and carefully considered. Every *angel* word you say can be used against you. So, if you hate someone make it obvious, but not aggressive. Don’t say a word to them ever. Don’t talk smack about them. And definitely never threaten them. And thats exactly where I went wrong. You see I never had a problem with this girl, and truthfully she had never done anything to me. But you know that thing where u just don’t get good vibes off of somebody? You just decide to not like them? yeah well I didn’t like this girl, no one did. Well the people I’m friends with certainly did not like her. But thats because we had just decided to not like her. Actually, theres a bit more to that. This girl gave us reasons and perfect examples of why we shouldn’t like her and why we should think negative things about her. Around school she is identified as a slut, talk Shit and a snitch. First term I moved to my new school, our HPE classes had combined one day and both her and I were not participating in the activities because we weren’t in correct uniform. I had heard rumours around about her already, and I was told to be very careful around her. I already knew who she was before I moved because she dated my first kiss – a Spanish sprinter who had KILLER abs holy moly and a bit of a bad boy reputation. Anyway he ended up overdosing on an ecstasy pill taking it with rum at school and went psychotic. Don’t worry he’s still alive. But thats how I knew of her. We were both sitting quietly and far out ok it was awkward. I actually think she was the one who started talking to me but anyway we started some small talk and blah blah blah, but honestly the only reason I think she started talking to me was to brag about how many guys she had slept with, because all of a sudden our conversation had turned to sex and first thing I remember her saying to me was asking me this: “You know (anonymous)? Oh yeah, I slept with him 10 times”. WOW COOL! “You know (anonymous)? Yeah he also came over and we *angel*. Ok I’m sorry do I care whether you have chlamydia or not? I guess, me still being a virgin, its easier for me to make such harsh judgements on such an intimate topic like sex, but it just seemed so bizarre and frankly quite irritating that she would brag about something that really wasn’t that positive. She was painting herself her own image, no one else. If anybody was to be named a slut it was her. But I didn’t let it worry me, because I didn’t care what she had done or who she had slept with. I was more worried about myself and fitting in at this new school. Im not going to lie, people talk *angel* about people, and if she ever came up in a conversation, it was never in a positive light. She’s in a few of my classes this year, and we talked but I never felt like we got on. we were just two very different people. Anyway, many rumours were going around this year about her and some of them were very true, but what pissed me off most was that I had heard and it seemed like everyone was sure this was the ded set truth, that she had snitched to the school about one of my closest mates dealing drugs at school. I was furious because he was already on his last warning and I didn’t want him getting expelled for something he was not doing. I talked smack about her being a snitch, but just within my area of where me and my group chill. I don’t know who the *angel* snitched but everyone knows that at our school anyone can be a snitch and that snitches get stitches. Me and all of my girls had just had the best weekend together, just us girls, movies, taking photos, eating food just basic girl stuff and we had the best time. But of course at the end of the weekend I had to get a text from this other girl. She had texted me saying that she knew I had gone around calling her a snitch to EVERYONE and that just because I was a druggo didn’t give me the right to act superior to her. EXCUSE ME? I’m sorry when have I ever acted superior to you and what makes you think your any more superior than me? Secondly, get your facts straight Jesus Christ I don’t go around the school calling you a snitch cause I have better things to do. But what really set a trigger off for me, was the fact that she called me a druggo. A low-life druggo with no future, a self-obsessed c***, and that I was identified as Druggo alcoholic. She claimed she’s never smoked, never done drugs, never drinks alcohol and NEVER SENDS NUDES. This girl literally sent nudes to a Mate of mine and he was suspended and put on the sex offenders list because her nudes were on his phone. Of course I fired back at her accusing her of all of this. I told her that me saying she was a snitch should be the least of her worries considering she’s identified as a whore. I should’ve shut my mouth because that just set off a chain reaction. my girls came in to have my back and started texting her, my boys started texting her, all my mates started texting her to shut the *angel* up otherwise she’d have another thing coming. That just made everything a whole lot worse. She threatened to go to the school about us smoking weed when really thats none of her business and told us that the law takes drugs very seriously. I told her that the law also takes nudes seriously so If I were her I wouldn’t be making any threats. We had her in the palm of our hand. She couldn’t snitch because she knew she would get bashed. I will admit I am a little bit of bark and no bite. Im very verbal and I threatened her but I never intended on anything going so far. But we were all angry. That morning me and prettyprincess had fashion and the plan was between all of us was to meet after 3rd period and confront this girl to her face. No violence top avoid our girl bunny boo from being expelled. But me and prettyprincess were held back in fashion to complete our skirts that we were making and both bunny boo and coolkat and another one of our girls (whose not apart of the bratz names) all went to second break. when me and prettyprincess went to second break everyone was gone. And then we knew where they all were. they were where that other girl was sitting. They had gone to confront her. We both saw bunny boo and coolkat and the boys making their way back and we were like WHAT HAPPENED oh my god. The boys were going crazy – “bunny boo just bashed the shit out of that *angel*”. We were so taken by surprise but glad she had done so because we were furious. But then we were like ok wtf your gonna get expelled now, this *angel* is going to snitch on me about the treats and text, gonna get each and every one of us in trouble for drugs. We are so done for. Of course I didn’t help my case cause I stormed into headmasters office straight up to this girl and threatened her AGAIN. She was bleeding from the head. I was raging. I have anger issues and depression so it was so hard for me to contain myself, it took every bone in my body to hold myself back and not do anything else that could dig my whole any deeper. Bunnyboo ended up getting expelled, I ended up getting suspended, but due to my personal life and past they decided to not keep me suspended. Im not sure whats happening to the other girls tho. What really was the biggest mess in all of this, was the fact that this girls mum is a lawyer. yeah I know, MAJOR screw up there. Talk was police were getting involved and that both me and bunny boo were being charged with threat and abuse. I don’t really think anybody was or still is seeing this from our points of view. if this girl hadn’t insulted all of us (because we all are struggling – which I will get to later on), and threatened to snitch about what we do in our own private time, then bunny boo would never have had the need to defend herself the way she did. I guess it takes two to tango. But I am done playing games, If it wasn’t for me sharing what this girl had said to em to my group, then nobody would’ve been involved, the chat would’ve just stopped and this whole mess could’ve been avoided. So in that way, I do feel a sense of guilt. But we will see what happens. You have got to be so smart with the way you handle things in this day and age. You can’t say stuff online cause thats out there forever. But then again here I am sharing it once more over again. The thing is, if you hate someone, don’t be aggressive about it, don’t talk about it, the best way is just to leave it and leave them ignore them. Block them online. Makes it clear you don’t want anything to do with them because then your not doing anything wrong, but avoiding messy complicated situations. We are all praying our girl will be able to come back by writing a letter to the school so fingers crossed. Bunny boo isn’t a bad person, infact she even wanted to bash me when I first moved, but I handles it way better than how I handled this situation, I talked to her and we figured our crap out and now we are closer than ever. She is a kind kind person once you get to know her, she just doesn’t know any other way to deal with confrontation and now our main focus is to stand by her side and protect her. Protect each other. So there you go, a text, a girl who got bashed and expulsion. All in one week of my life.

Stay Tuned 😉

BriZzyBrAt xx